A Walk in My Shoes .... or Paws
This was going to be sent to an upcoming show entitled "Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch", but turns out sending a script is harder than I thought, so why not post it so people can see, what I believe is, one of my best works and funnest I've worked on. Enjoy! Script A WALK IN MY SHOES …. OR PAWS WRITTEN BY TYSON RACKLIFFE BEGINNING SCENE - SABRINA’S ROOM SABRINA and SALEM are in the room together. SALEM I’m just saying, maybe if you got me some decent tuna I wouldn’t be so “grumpy”, in your words! SABRINA Salem, please, I’m trying to work on my project! SALEM Oh that’s new; you’re actually doing your own work! Somebody give her the Nobel Prize! SABRINA Please, just, eat some tuna or whatever, I’ve already procrastinated on this! SALEM Well that’s not my fault now, is it? SABRINA Ugh! SABRINA, out of frustration, accidentally uses magic with her fingers on her project, destroying it. SALEM Real smooth. SABRINA Now look at what you’ve done! SALEM What I’ve done? SALEM snickers. SALEM (CONT’D) No, blonde-y, I’m pretty sure you did. I’m not a warlock anymore, remember, genius? SABRINA Why are you always such a grump all the time? SALEM Well gee, sorry, but how would you like being turned into a cat after being a powerful warlock? Hmm? SABRINA That doesn’t give you the right to be a jerk all the time and disagree with everything I say! SALEM I don’t disagree with everything you say; just most of the things you say. SABRINA Exactly! CUT TO - THE LIVING ROOM SABRINA and SALEM can easily be heard arguing upstairs; HILDA and ZELDA are downstairs in the living room. ZELDA sighs. ZELDA They’ve been doing this all week…. HILDA Oh I didn’t notice! Them biting each other certainly didn’t get my attention! ZELDA Hilda, this is no time for jokes. We must do something about this before it gets out of control. HILDA Oh but I think it already has! How can it get worse than biting each other? ZELDA Hilda…. HILDA Sorry; anyway, maybe we could use magic to make them happy? ZELDA No, we need to make them stop arguing naturally. But how? HILDA I got nothing except magic. Maybe sprits some in their drinks? Or walk them into space at the space spa? ZELDA Why do I talk with you about serious issues? HILDA You tell me. HILDA drinks milk, and gets a “milk mustache.” ZELDA does a face palm. BACK TO - SABRINA’S ROOM SABRINA and SALEM are still arguing. SABRINA You think it’s easy being me? Nope. I have to do all these witch responsibilities, go to school, do schoolwork, try to keep this a secret to my friends, and go to another school for witches; you think that’s a piece of cake? SALEM Hey, at least you can still use magic! Try being me: a former great warlock that was turned into a stupid cat just because they enjoy abusing their power! So what if I want to rule the world, who doesn’t? Compared to me, you got it easy. SABRINA Yeah, laying around the house all day eating tuna and doing nothing sure sounds like torture. I think someone’s just mad they have a star on their butt. SABRINA snickers. SALEM Oh ha ha, very funny. But, hmm, so does being a teenage girl who always procrastinates on their schoolwork and literally have magic in their hands; Must I mention you and your cell phone? SABRINA is texting. SABRINA And then Jenny was like, “My cashmere’s now stained!” Isn’t that funny, Harvey? SALEM clears his throat to get SABRINA’S attention. SABRINA (CONT’D) What’d you say after “easy?” SALEM Never mind. It was just clearing my point that you have it easier. SABRINA Yeah, and flying pigs will come out of my nose! Small flying pigs literally come out of SABRINA’S nose. SABRINA (CONT’D) Okay, maybe I was asking for that, but you still get my point! SALEM Right, right. How about this: Since we clearly can’t agree, let’s just not talk to each other. I’ve grown tired of your annoying voice anyway. SABRINA Oh good, for once we agree! I hope we never speak to each other again! SALEM Me too! SABRINA Fine! SALEM Fine too! SABRINA Goodbye, former friend! SALEM Back at ya! SABRINA and SALEM slam their doors so much, they fall and break; they leave the room. ZELDA (V.O.) Those can’t just be fixed with magic you know…. A black screen appears with white lettering, saying “A few hours later.” CUT TO - THE ATTIC SABRINA is brewing up a spell in a cauldron. SABRINA Stupid Salem! He doesn’t know how hard it is to be me! Oh well, at least with this I can figure out why he’s such a grump all the time. SABRINA gets ingredients in order to use her spell. SABRINA (CONT’D) Dragon’s tooth, Babe Ruth, give me a look, as if it was a book, please, oh please, show me blues, of what it’s like to be in Salem’s shoes! The cauldron is now bubbly. SABRINA (CONT’D) Phew, I gotta work on my rhyming. Now for the fun part! SABRINA pulls out a handful of magic dust. SABRINA (CONT’D) So how much did my aunts say I should use? Thought bubbles of HILDA and ZELDA appear. HILDA Go ahead and use as much as you want, Sabrina! And after that, we’ll make some cookies and milk and stop giving you homework at your magic school! ZELDA Yes, use all of it if you need to! And then we’ll allow you to always use magic for your petty problems and put Salem up for adoption for being a big jerk to you! SABRINA goes back to reality. SABRINA Yeah, that’s what they said! HILDA and ZELDA’S thought bubbles stay where they were. HILDA She’s doomed. ZELDA Yep. SABRINA puts all of her magic dust into the cauldron, causing it to explode and get on her. SABRINA Ew. Oh well. A mirror suddenly appears, showing why SALEM is “grumpy”, seeing through his eyes from the past; SALEM is about to speak but the mirror haywires and gives an electric charge at SABRINA’S and SALEM’S heads, the duo in different rooms. SABRINA & SALEM Ow, I have the hugest headache for some reason….. SABRINA Ugh….. I don’t know what happened…. but my head hurts really bad….. SALEM I can’t think of taking over the world with a headache…. ugh… SABRINA goes downstairs where SALEM, HILDA AND ZELDA are; SABRINA and SALEM pass each other, but pretend to look away and do not say a word; SABRINA then sits down on a stool at the kitchen table while SALEM relaxes in the living room. HILDA What’s so glum, chum? SABRINA I just have the biggest headache in history….. ugh…. ZELDA There wasn’t any magic involved, right? SABRINA No…… ZELDA Hmm….. are you having one too, Salem? SALEM No, I’m relaxing in the shade of a tree without a care in the world; yes, I have a headache! HILDA Okay, who forgot to change Mr. Grumpy’s litter box? ZELDA Hilda……. Now, what were you two doing before you got headaches? SABRINA Uh……. SALEM Head too hurt to think. HILDA Zelda, they can barely make out a sentence; give these two grumps rest! SABRINA & SALEM Hey! SABRINA and SALEM look away from each other. ZELDA For once, I agree with you. You two should just get some rest and we’ll see how well you two are tomorrow. SABRINA & SALEM Fine! The duo walk into SABRINA’s room, refusing to even look at each other; this leaves HILDA and ZELDA looking at the two, worried. CUT TO - SABRINA’S ROOM SABRINA Good night, self. SALEM Mm, whatever. The duo fall asleep. CUT TO - MORNING BACK TO - SABRINA’S ROOM SABRINA Ugh……. What happened last night…… huh? Where’s my comfy pillow and blanket? And why do I have all this hair? I know they said I’d get some but not this much! SABRINA jumps off the bed. SABRINA (CONT’D) Wait….. How’d I jump down so easily? What’s going on? SABRINA looks around the room, and sees her body in her bed. SABRINA (CONT’D) M-m-m-m-y body is…. Over there? Then who am I? SALEM awakens and yawns. SALEM That was one cat nap. Wait….. I feel taller. And…. SALEM sniffs “his” hair. SALEM (CONT’D) ….Bubblegum shampoo? Don’t even tell me…. SABRINA Salem? SALEM Sabrina? The duo scream in unison, having found out they have switched bodies. COMMERCIAL BREAK BACK TO - SABRINA’S ROOM SABRINA and SALEM are still panicking over the switch. SABRINA What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do! SALEM Relax, I’m trying to find it in the book. Now, Sweating hogs… SABRINA You’re too slow! SABRINA browses through the pages fast but does so too fast and the book is thrown out the open window. JENNY (V.O.) No! Not only is my cashmere ruined, but so is my hair that took hours to braid! Sabrina, be more careful! You could’ve hurt me with, whatever this thing is. SABRINA Sorry! SALEM Nice goin’, hero. SABRINA Sorry, I’m just not used to being a guy with hair everywhere! SALEM Nor am I used to being a girl that has an obsession with bubblegum. SABRINA Okay, okay, fighting won’t get us anywhere. SALEM But what are we going to do? SABRINA Hmm…… SABRINA paces around the room, thinking, similar to the “Felix pace” of Felix the Cat fame. SABRINA (CONT’D) I got it! SALEM That’s new. SABRINA Since I threw the book out…. SABRINA chuckles nervously. SABRINA (CONT’D) What we should do is just act like the other; so, I pretend to be you and you pretend to be me. It’s the only way people won’t get suspicious and we won’t get in trouble. Then we’ll get help later. SALEM I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree. The duo shake hands in respect. SALEM But, I have a question; how will this work? Because, they’ll clearly tell it’s me with my ravishing voice and you with your squeaky voice. SABRINA My voice isn’t squeaky! Is it? SALEM Never mind. SABRINA Let’s use that vocal cord switch spell in my bo- SALEM That was thrown out, remember, genius? SABRINA Hmm. Well, I guess we’ll try mimicking our voices. SALEM Let’s wish good luck for us both….. A black screen appears with white lettering, saying “A few minutes later.” The duo are practicing at mimicking their voices. SABRINA I’m Salem, the loud-mouthed cat. SALEM laughs. SALEM You call that an impression? An agitated baboon would do better! You weren’t even trying to sound like me! SABRINA Oh, yeah? Let’s see you try sounding like me, hairy boy. SALEM My pleasure. SALEM clears his throat, drinks a glass of water, and flosses his teeth, with SABRINA rolling her eyes. SALEM (CONT’D) Oh hi. I’m Sabrina and I have the weirdest obsession with bubblegum. SABRINA laughs. SABRINA I don’t have a lisp, or an obsession with bubblegum. Pink’s just my favorite color. SALEM Right. Well we’re just gonna have to work on the voices. SABRINA Hmm….. What to do now? SABRINA snaps her finger. SABRINA (CONT’D) I got it! SALEM This oughta be good….. SABRINA Before we get ready for the day, we should go over the “do’s and don’ts” of our genders. How do I go to the bathroom in this thing? SALEM …..Yeah, we need to do that. This bra is chaffing me. SABRINA Exactly….. A black screen with white lettering says “A few minutes later.” SABRINA has a pink colored chart with the female symbol showing the “do’s and don’ts” of females and has a pointer in hand. SALEM I can’t believe my own body is talking about g-g-girls.. SABRINA clears her throat and taps her pointer on the chart to get SALEM’S attention. SABRINA As I was about to say, being a girl is harder than you would think. SALEM snickers. SALEM Yeah, right. SABRINA Interrupt again, I’m gonna use this pointer for where the sun don’t shine. SALEM sits down, listening to the warning. SABRINA (CONT’D) Good. Now, here are the do’s: Wear the red and black heels when it’s an occasion such as a school dance, award ceremony or a fancy dinner. Straighten my hair, spray it with hairspray so it will stay and not frizz up in the humidity, wink at the cutest boys in school, especially Harvey, don’t talk to the nerdy boys unless you want them to do your homework, always shampoo and condition every hair follicle if you must die to do so , and be in bed by 9:30 so I can get my beauty sleep. Now, the don’ts: Don’t talk to the nerdy boys if not for homework, don’t wear those ugly worn down sneakers to school unless you have gym and you’re playing a game that involves you getting dirty or sweaty, don’t let the air dry my hair up or else it will be poofy, don’t stay up late or else I get those hideous bags under my eyes due to lack of sleep, don’t have pigtails and pony-tails, I’m not 5, and especially, don’t let people know I’m a witch. ‘Kay? SALEM is so overwhelmed he is speechless. SABRINA (CONT’D) I’m sure you’ll catch on. SALEM shakes his head quickly to get over the overwhelming “do’s and don’ts” by SABRINA; SALEM then gets a blue colored chart with the male symbol showing the “do’s and don’ts” of males and has a pointer in hand. SALEM Now, being a boy, um, excuse me, man is very complicated, especially if you’re dashing as I… used to be. SABRINA rolls her eyes. SALEM (CONT’D) Now, shall we start with the don’ts? First and foremost, don’t deal with my hair! My facial hair is gorgeous. SABRINA Where is it? Everywhere is hair. SALEM Correction, the term is fur. Now, as I was saying, the first do: beg constantly for food! They may say no but don’t be discouraged! Keep whining and you’ll get it! SABRINA What does this have to do with being a boy? SALEM Man. SABRINA Cat. SALEM Man! SABRINA Okay, Com. SALEM Okay, if you want to fail at this, be my guest! SABRINA Alright, I‘ll listen. Just tell me something basic. SALEM Basically, this is what it’s like to be a boy: Slugs, snails and puppy dog tails. SABRINA Oh, so that means I’m sugar, spice and everything nice? SALEM Not you, sweetheart. SABRINA has an unamused look on her face. SABRINA That’s it? SALEM Oh there’s more, but your babbling about being a girl tired me out. Sorry. SABRINA Boys. SALEM Men. SABRINA Well I think we know enough…… for now. Let’s get ready for the day. A black screen with white lettering appears, saying “A few (try an hour) later.” SALEM is looking for clothes to wear in SABRINA’S closet while SABRINA is putting on SALEM’S robe and Sabrina looks at “herself“ in the mirror. SABRINA Aw! I look so cute in this little robe! No wonder you wear this a lot! It’s so snug and soft! SABRINA feels and moves her head around to feel the soft texture of the robe. SALEM (V.O.) Never say the word “cute” in my body ever again. SABRINA Oh just find some clothes, grumpy Gus. SALEM (V.O.) That’s the problem, you have too many! How can I possibly pick out of hundreds of shoes? SABRINA Oh don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. If not, good luck? SALEM (V.O.) Thanks, very reassuring. SABRINA Just keep looking in the closet and find the true pick. SALEM (V.O.) Yay. If I’m late for school don’t blame me. SALEM continues looking through the closet for the “perfect” clothes. CUT TO - SABRINA’S CLOSET SALEM is still browsing for an outfit. SALEM I’ve had enough of tickle me pick, makes me want to puke pink! SABRINA (V.O.) I heard that! SALEM Ugh, I can’t take these horrible clothes! SALEM accidentally uses “his” magic with “his” fingers and causes a hole, which coincidentally leads to the aunts’ closet. SALEM (CONT’D) Wow. I haven’t used magic in so long. That felt good! SALEM decides to go into the aunts’ closet to browse for clothes there instead; he notices 70’s-esque clothes. SALEM (CONT’D) Well, that was a great feeling to be the disco king back then…. Of the cats. Why not? SALEM puts the clothes on off-screen. A black screen with white lettering appears, saying “Later.” SALEM finally has his attire ready, consisting of the color red: A poofy hat, a tube top, a miniskirt, platform heels, nail polish, lipstick, eye shadow, blush and SABRINA’S blonde hair is all frizzy and unorganized. SABRINA Oh good, you’re finally done. And I thought I took too lo- SABRINA screams, disturbed by SALEM’S outfit. SABRINA (CONT’D) I said get some clothes, not turn me into a clown! And what did I tell you about high heels and my hair? SALEM Hey, calm down, sweet cheeks, I can’t at least have a little fun in this thing? And, why not have a “Throwback Thursday?” SABRINA It’s Friday. And now, my reputation as best dressed is ruined! SALEM Relax kid, trust me, people dig the classics! SABRINA “Dig?” Oh no…. HILDA (V.O.) Sabrina, Salem! If you don’t get down here you won’t get your egg eyes and bacon smileys! ZELDA (V.O.) Hilda! That was suppose to be a surprise! HILDA (V.O.) Sorry! SALEM Oh boy! I haven’t had human food in literally ages! Last one down’s a rotten- SALEM tries to run but his platform heels cause him to trip all the way downstairs. SALEM Note to self: Never run in heels. SABRINA Yippee, tuna. Oh well, at least I won’t be the “rotten egg.” SABRINA does a raspberry while SALEM, still on the ground, rolls his eyes. CUT TO - THE KITCHEN SALEM is excited to have human food, while SABRINA is less than enthusiastic about having cat food; ZELDA and HILDA are cooking themselves breakfast. HILDA So, uh, Sabrina, I see you’re having “Throwback Thursday” a day late. Kinda wish you asked to use my clothes, though, but I know I can trust ya. You know, since we’re girls. Girl to girl. SALEM Uh, yeah, I definitely know what ya mean. HILDA Sabrina, you have a really deep voice today. Do you have laryngitis? SALEM Uh, no, I…. SALEM coughs, and then impersonates SABRINA’S voice. SALEM (CONT’D) No, I just had a tickle in my throat. SABRINA is mumbling to herself. SABRINA Doesn’t sound anything like me….. HILDA Oh. You know, if you’re sick, you could stay home. ZELDA Nonsense, Hilda, this is a very important day for Sabrina. She’s already procrastinated on her project. SABRINA whispers to herself. SABRINA Oh no! I totally forgot thanks to the fight! SALEM Uh, project? ZELDA Yes, silly, the thing you’ve been working on all week. I hope you and Salem’s arguing didn’t make you slack off on it again. HILDA Or you won’t get any cookies! ZELDA Hilda, please, may I handle this? HILDA Fine! HILDA goes in the “timeout” corner; She pouts. HILDA (CONT’D) I’m 16,000 years old and I’m in the timeout corner. ZELDA Sabrina, listen to me. I understand you and Salem haven’t been on the best of terms, and I know puberty can be very scary, but you can do this! Come on now, this isn’t the same Sabrina that saves the day! SABRINA speaks to herself. SABRINA It isn’t the same Sabrina period. SALEM I’ll try. ZELDA That’s my girl. Also, lay off the blush. I’ll see you at sorcery school at 4, ‘Kay? Come Hilda, we must prepare Sabrina’s lesson today. HILDA I thought I was a bad kid and needed to be in timeout. Make up your mind, woman! ZELDA Hilda…. ZELDA grabs HILDA by the arm and they head to the car; the car honks, and flies away, going into the witch’s realm. SABRINA They didn’t even acknowledge I exist…. SALEM Welcome to my world, honey. Now, if you excuse me, I gotta figure out a way to complete this project and go to two schools; see ya later, “Salrina!” SABRINA Hold on a sec, “Sabem!” SALEM What? SABRINA Promise me that you won’t use your magic for what turned you into a cat in the first place. SALEM I promise. SABRINA Double promise? SALEM Do ya have wax in your ears? I just said “I promise!” SABRINA Good. Good luck….. You’re gonna need it. SALEM Same with you. Especially you. See ya, sister! SALEM leaves the house, going on the school bus, and winks to SABRINA as the bus leaves. SABRINA Wow. I’m all alone. Well, I guess it won’t be that bad….. Today can be my day to relax and do nothing in this adorable “wittle” robe. What’s on the boob tube? SABRINA grabs a remote and turns the TV on, but her claw presses too hard and breaks the button. SABRINA (CONT’D) Oops! I gotta get used to this paws and claws thing. A theme song is about to be heard on the TV. THEME SONG SINGER Come to Ricky Rat’s Madhouse! Full of crazies, it’s hard to believe it’s a house! SABRINA Ew! Kid shows. SABRINA changes to different channels. SABRINA (CONT’D) All that’s on is either kid shows or talk shows. Boring! SABRINA turns the TV off. SABRINA (CONT’D) Let’s try some reading. SABRINA browses through the bookshelf; she pulls one out. SABRINA (CONT’D) A-ha! Here’s one! PlayCat? SABRINA reads the “book”, and gets disgusted. SABRINA (CONT’D) Ewwww! Salem! SABRINA throws the “book.” SABRINA (CONT’D) His to-do list? I don’t know…. I don’t want to intrude on his privacy… SABRINA puts the list back in the shelf; she finds a book that looks “similar” to her diary. SABRINA (CONT’D) My diary? That d-arn cat! No wonder I lost this thing! How did he pick the lock? SABRINA reads a sticky note, saying “For when I have a brain-fart and for dummy-dumbs, to pick the lock, use a claw.” SABRINA (CONT’D) Oh, duh. SABRINA picks the lock with her claw. SABRINA (CONT’D) Alright. Let’s see what that warlock did to my diary! SABRINA reads SALEM’S first entry in the diary. SABRINA (CONT’D) “Dear diary, Sabrina is such a knucklehead! I told her her “Harvey-warvey” was asking her out on a date and swiped this ol’ thing when she wasn’t looking! Ha-ha! I am a genius!” Ugh! That Salem! I wish! I just wish! Out of frustration, SABRINA uses her claws to rip out all of SALEM’S entries. SABRINA (CONT’D) Hmm. I think I can get used to you guys. CUT TO - SABRINA’S SCHOOL SALEM has entered the school, being tardy. HARVEY Wow Sabrina, I’ve never seen you tardy before. What happened? SALEM Oh nothing, just the darn bus driver being fidgety. HARVEY Aw yeah, poor old guy’s hearing aids must be malfunctioning. SALEM Yeah. HARVEY So, uh, what’s with all the makeup? SALEM Oh, you know, I need to look, pretty. HARVEY But that’s a lot of makeup just to go to school; did you really need eye shadow? SALEM Oh, you know me, I need to make a scene. HARVEY Uh, I guess. Hey, wanna hang out at Petey Pete’s Pizzeria after school? SALEM Nah, I need to study. HARVEY Oh. Maybe next time then! SALEM Doubt it. HALL MONITOR Hey, you two lovebirds! It’s 8:30, get to your classes now! SALEM Jeez, no need to get your underwear in a bunch! HALL MONITOR Don’t remind me of those homicidal bullies! HARVEY Come on, Sabrina, he has a point, let’s go to class. SABRINA Nah. I’d rather stay here. Seems more fun. I thought you were cool, but guess not. HARVEY & THE HALL MONITOR walk away; HARVEY leaves, puzzled by “SABRINA’S” new behavior. HARVEY Man, puberty’s changed Sabrina really bad…. Both her personality and her voice! COMMERCIAL BREAK BACK TO - SABRINA’S SCHOOL Salem finally comes in the classroom. SALEM Here I am, “teach”, just felt I needed some relaxing time. TEACHER Yeah? Well you can relax yourself in your seat, “Disco Queen.” The class laughs, including the teacher. TEACHER (CONT’D) I di-, I did pull a funny, didn’t I? Anyway, now is time to present your projects! SALEM Oh, yeah. That thing I was supposed to do. Oh well. JENNY Sabrina, what are you doing? You’re acting so differently today…. SALEM What’s wrong? I can’t have fun and be a hu- have fun? Phew. JENNY Well stop it, or else you’re gonna get in trouble! SALEM You worry too much. The TEACHER clears his throat to gain the two’s attention. TEACHER Your projects? JENNY Oh. My project is about the brain- SALEM eats the (homemade) “brain.” SALEM Mm, cherry. JENNY Sabrina! TEACHER How about yours, hot lips? SALEM Hope you like nothing but blank, “teach”. TEACHER Automatic “F”. I’m disappointed in both of you girls, but you especially, Sabrina, and I’m sorry, I never thought I’d do this, but I must sign you a detention slip. SALEM Thanks, “teach”, now I’ll have a good vacation! CUT TO - THE LIVING ROOM SABRINA has read every book in the house and is bored. SABRINA Man, no wonder Salem’s so bored and grumpy; there’s nothing to do! HILDA and ZELDA come in the house. SABRINA thinks to herself. SABRINA (CONT’D) Hilda, Zelda! Finally, something exciting! SABRINA runs to the two, happy. HILDA Man, Salem, you’re so happy today; why can’t ya be like this all the time? ZELDA Let’s not sugarcoat it, Hilda, we need to tell him something. SABRINA Tell him what? ZELDA Well, Salem, the test results from the last checkup came in and you have two problems that need to be fixed; one, and the most important one, you have worms. SABRINA W-what? HILDA And you’re gonna be fixed, too! ZELDA Hilda! SABRINA F-fixed? ZELDA Don’t worry, Salem! Fortunately, your doctor found a way to fix them both in one surgery. SABRINA S-surgery? HILDA Man, if this was Sabrina, she’d be freaking out ‘cause she hates doctors! ZELDA But thankfully, this isn’t Sabrina. SABRINA gulps. CUT TO - THE CAR ZELDA Salem, get in the car! I understand this is scary but you’re getting in that car if it’s the last thing we do! HILDA Come on, Zelda, yelling won’t help; just slowly get him in the car and he’ll understand. SABRINA thinks to herself. SABRINA I guess I need to do this. Why’d I ever do this stupid spell anyway? SABRINA covers her eyes, trying not to cry. CUT TO - SABRINA’S SCHOOL It’s lunch time, and SALEM is eating lunch as if he was a pig. SALEM Man, I missed this food! So yummy! JENNY You missed fresh pizza you had yesterday? SALEM Quiet, eating. HARVEY Uh, Jenny, can we talk in private? JENNY Sure. HARVEY and JENNY talk about "SABRINA". SALEM notices this and uses a spell to eavesdrop on the conversation. HARVEY It’s like she’s an entirely different person! JENNY I know! Sabrina would never make fun of my projects and then eat them….. HARVEY I think, it’s a weird alien pod that landed in her hair, thinking it was a nest, and took over her brain. JENNY …….What? HARVEY Okay, maybe not that exactly, but something’s gotta be up. JENNY Maybe she’s just having a bad day; I know she hates “Throwback Thursday” and this may be her saying she’s tired of it. HARVEY Maybe. SALEM talks to himself. SALEM So they think she’s not who she is, eh? Smart ones, but let’s see how smart you are now! SALEM casts a spell on the duo, making them not remember “her” odd behavior. JENNY What were we talking about? HARVEY Alien pods? JENNY Yeah, I’m going back to lunch…. SALEM Mm, I love this magic feel, it feels so good, who knows? I could take over the world! SALEM laughs maniacally; everyone stares. SALEM (CONT’D) Oh, just cranky. Everyone returns to eating their lunches. SALEM rubs his hands together, coming up with an evil idea. A montage begins to play of the duo going through the ups and downs of their new bodies; SABRINA is stuck with her aunts waiting in the waiting room impatiently, then SALEM must deal with “his“ frizzy hair stuck to “his” locker; then SABRINA “needs to go” and must learn how to use a litter box; SALEM also has to go but goes in the wrong stall: the boys bathroom, causing the boys to scream “Cooties!” and run out; SABRINA enjoys ripping up a newspaper with her claws but the reader didn’t; SALEM then uses magic on most things to go his way. CUT TO - THE ATTIC As the aunts are at the waiting room, SALEM is giving a lot of homework to do for this lesson, combined with “her” homework from the mortal school. SALEM They expect me to do all this? Jeez, she wasn’t kidding about hard schoolwork….. A black screen with white lettering appears, saying “Later.” SALEM Finally done. My hands may be broken but they’re done! SALEM discovers more homework under the table; he sighs and falls down, overwhelmed. CUT TO - WAITING ROOM SABRINA, HILDA and ZELDA are still waiting in the waiting room. SABRINA Could they hurry up and just get this over with already? HILDA I know! There’s only like three other pets here! ZELDA Calm down, you two. While it can be frustrating waiting so long it is not the end of the world. A pig jumps on ZELDA’S lap and licks her. ZELDA (CONT’D) Get this potbellied savage off of me! I will sue all of you if you don’t get this monster off me! Everyone stares. HILDA Tranquility, calmness, you are better than this…. ZELDA I am not a pig hater, I am not a pig hater…. SABRINA Poor guy…… HILDA Man, you’ve been acting really nice today, Salem; kind of like, oh, I don’t know, Sabrina! SABRINA What a funny coincidence. SABRINA laughs nervously. HILDA Maybe, just maybe, you two somehow switched bodies and you’re Sabrina and not Salem! ZELDA Nah, I believe that’s too cliché. SABRINA What gave you that crazy idea? SABRINA laughs nervously once more. HILDA and ZELDA look at each other, wondering. NURSE Salem Saberhagen, you’re up! HILDA Do you want us to come in with ya? SABRINA No thanks, it’s a bit, personal. SABRINA thinks to herself. SABRINA (CONT’D) In more ways than one…. SABRINA goes in the doctor’s office; Sounds such as a chainsaw, a ball and other random sounds can be heard from the office; SABRINA screams. HILDA Huh, Salem has a more feminine scream today than he usually does. ZELDA And that’s saying something. CUT TO - SABRINA’S HOUSE HARVEY and JENNY enter the house, for SABRINA’S sake. JENNY I just hope she’s okay….. HARVEY Me too. I just want the cute, sweet, ho- JENNY raises an eyebrow. HARVEY Wholesome person. The two hear laughter upstairs. CUT TO - SABRINA’S ROOM SALEM is in the room, thinking of his evil plan. SALEM Thanks to Sabrina’s powers, now I’ll be unstoppable! All I gotta do is use the ice cube spell and finally take over the world! SALEM maniacally laughs. SALEM (CONT’D) Oops, I gotta stop spoiling my plans should someone listen. HARVEY You bet we did! We heard everything! JENNY I knew you weren’t the real Sabrina! SALEM Oh, yeah? What do you know when you’re…… frozen? SALEM uses an ice cube spell on HARVEY and JENNY, freezing them in their poses. SALEM And this is just the beginning! Soon, I’ll be king of the world with all of my power! SALEM maniacally laughs once more. COMMERCIAL BREAK The aunts are home with SABRINA. ZELDA Feeling better, Salem? SABRINA is a little dizzy. SABRINA I can’t feel anything. HILDA Better than pain, right? ZELDA Hmm…… we should check on Sabrina. The three view Salem doing evil things. SABRINA thinks to herself. SABRINA Oh, no! The trio gasp in shock. SALEM Uh hi, “Zelds!” ZELDA I knew something was going on! HILDA Bad kitty……. Girl…….. Thingy! SALEM You won’t for long! SALEM also freezes the two into ice cubes. SALEM It’s only inevitable I’ll rule you all! SALEM laughs maniacally, but coughs. SALEM (CONT'D) I gotta stop doing that…… SABRINA talks to herself quietly. SABRINA I didn’t think he’d do this….. I might as well overhear before I’m caught! SABRINA quietly goes in her room, eavesdropping on SALEM. SALEM Once I freeze Sabrina, I’ll ditch this place and take over the world! Mm! Tastes like tuna. SABRINA talks to herself. SABRINA Oh no! SABRINA accidentally bumps into a vase, breaking it and getting SALEM‘S attention. SALEM Ah, just in time. SABRINA Look, Salem, you don’t need to do this! SALEM Oh yeah I can! I’m not letting yet another mortal ruining my chances! SABRINA Sadly, I must stop you, then. SALEM laughs. SALEM Good luck. You’re really gonna need it. A montage plays of the two attacking each other; SABRINA does surprisingly well but ultimately she is no match and is just about to be frozen by SALEM. SALEM (CONT’D) Any last words, old buddy? SABRINA Yes, actually; You wanna know what my project was going to be about? SALEM Your brain, which is blank. SABRINA No! It was supposed to be about warlocks. Do you know who inspired me to do that? SALEM I don’t know, Merlin? SABRINA Nope. It was you. How couldn’t I be inspired by the cute little cat that never stops listening to my petty stuff and then respond with your funny sarcasm? You were, are and always will be my true, first and best friend. I’ve always admired you and the sweet things you do at times, especially with your sarcasm and if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have cared to research about warlocks. I may not really show it, especially as of late, but I just wanted to let you know you’re the best friend I’ll ever have, I know it. Plus, I never found cats that appealing until you came around. I’m sorry about the stupid arguments we’ve been having lately; I may say some things, but no matter what you do, whether you’ll freeze me in an ice cube forever or not, I want you to know you’ll forever be my best friend, and, I……. love, you. SABRINA hugs SALEM. SALEM You’re saying that just to be free, aren’t you? SABRINA No, I mean it. You’re my friend and I’ll love you, always and always. SALEM I……. love you too! What am I doing? I’m sorry, I got my views in the way and since I haven’t felt magic in forever, I guess I got a little overboard. SABRINA A little? SALEM Okay, maybe a lot; but, I also apologize for the arguing, your life is harder than I thought. SABRINA Same, I thought being a cat was easy; Nope. So, is there a spell to unfreeze them? SALEM Let’s do it the natural way. The duo free people out of their ice cubes with “SABRINA’S” claws while “SALEM” uses a fireplace to melt the ice. SABRINA Phew, that was tiring. SALEM But worth it. HILDA and ZELDA awaken and get out of their cubes; ZELDA unfreezes HARVEY and JENNY and wipes their memories of entering the house; ZELDA escorts them out of the house. SABRINA I just need to do this again; I love you like a bunch of s’mores and cookies combined! SALEM ‘Kay, getting too mushy here; but, I feel the same way! The duo hug once more, and they return to their proper bodies. The aunts slowly clap. ZELDA That was perfect. A+. HILDA Eh, I thought it was more of an A. ZELDA rolls her eyes. SABRINA Wait, what? ZELDA You see, Sabrina, what you just went through is a mandatory test for all witches in training; had you not passed, you wouldn't have continued training. SABRINA But in the spell book- HILDA That thing? Ha! That was a fake one! And even then, the spell was just fake to trick you. SALEM But the homework- ZELDA That was just gibberish; you actually did that homework? SABRINA Who, how, what? ZELDA Let me explain. You see, we tricked you into thinking there was such a spell to literally see what it’s like to be in another’s eyes, when that spell was just for show and did absolutely nothing, same with the homework, to try and teach you two a lesson in respecting each other and knowing how tough any life can be; the real thing that swapped you two was your magic slowly combining together to form a “Yin-Yang” sort of formation, and got closer to activating the more you two argued; and, as we have found out, the only cure was to truly realize both your lives are equally as tough and really got to know each other and even helped each other, something you two failed to do for most of the day. But, as we can see, you two did so, and are in the accurate bodies. It may have taken a while, but it was certainly entertaining and sweet and that, I think, deserves an A+. Perfect job, you two. SALEM But I never knew about this before! HILDA It’s a girl to girl thing. SABRINA Wow……. So, you guys knew the whole time? HILDA Yep. You two did a great job at pretending, though. SABRINA So wait, why did Salem get fixed? SALEM I got what! ZELDA Oh, that? Just to humor us and see if you’d actually go through it. HILDA and ZELDA laugh. SABRINA Very funny. HILDA Sorry kiddo, but ya needed to pass somehow; if it makes you feel any better, I had to switch with “Boreda” for a while. ZELDA Ugh, don’t remind me…… SABRINA Just wow. You guys just blow my mind. ZELDA Yep, it was really fun. I think you two have a new appreciation for each other. SABRINA Oh, we do. SABRINA and SALEM put one of their arms around their shoulders. SALEM Oh, Sabrina, I have to ask ya something. SABRINA What? SALEM whispers in her ear. SABRINA Yes you can help on the project! Oh, oops, said that out loud. SABRINA and SALEM snicker. SALEM You know I’m still gonna give ya sass though. Just, not as often. SABRINA And I wouldn’t have it any other way. The two walk to SABRINA’S room, talking happily. ZELDA Oh Zelda, you’ve done it again! HILDA Excuse me, I helped too! ZELDA Yeah yeah, but I did it again! HILDA Mm….. CUT TO - SABRINA’S ROOM SABRINA and SALEM are working on the “warlocks” report together. SALEM Ooh, add world domination as one of warlocks’ goals! SABRINA Salem… SALEM You know I’m just kiddin’. Also, you mean “Merlin”, not “Berlin”. We don’t need another world war to start. SABRINA and SALEM laugh. HILDA and ZELDA are peeping with their heads in the room, smiling happily. CUT TO - MORNING SALEM is putting on his robe, while SABRINA is putting on 80‘s-esque clothes. SABRINA Ooh, you look very snug in your robe. SALEM Thanks, I’m really starting to love it, it’s kinda, cute. SALEM winks. SABRINA Yeah, “Throwback Thursday” is starting to grow on me too. SABRINA winks as well. SALEM As much as I love us on good terms again, I doubt you’d want me back there at school. I don’t deserve to be there. It’s fine, I’ll just be reading stuff I’ve already read thousands of times. SABRINA Not today, Salem Saberhagen! You helped with the report, you come to school with me! SALEM Really? Ya mean it? SABRINA You know it! SALEM Yippee! SALEM jumps in SABRINA’S backpack. SABRINA AND SALEM leave for school; HILDA and ZELDA high-five each other on successfully teaching them a lesson. CUT TO - SABRINA’S SCHOOL TEACHER Okay, I’m a little skeptical about this, but Sabrina, show us your re-re-do of your report on warlocks. SABRINA Gladly, “teach.” SABRINA hands the teacher her written report of it. TEACHER My, this is a wonderful report! It’s as if, two people wrote this together! SABRINA Maybe. TEACHER I give this report, an “A”! Congratulations, Sabrina, this is the highest grade I’ve ever given to someone that failed at their report……. Twice. SABRINA and the teacher chuckle. The teacher passes it around to the class. HARVEY Whoa, this is amazing! I see you got out of your funk, Sabrina! Welcome back! JENNY Now this is the Sabrina Spellman I know. STUDENT Wow! There’s so much inspiration here! What was your inspiration? SABRINA Oh, just a certain somebody. SALEM pops out of the backpack, and the duo wink. THE END SPECIAL THANKS TO KAIT DUNLAP FOR HELPING WITH THE FEMALE “DO’S AND DON’TS” PART